S. P. E.

The trick is to never let anyone know you are stressed, and have a billion things to do; make everyone feel like you have all the time in the world for them.

This is Sarah's secret rule number 243, which refers to the rules of how Sarah lives her life without even knowing about it. She doesn't even know about the rule book.

I have been thinking about that lately because recently, my life has felt so out of balance. In fact, right now I am sitting on the floor, next to a pile of unfolded laundry, with the Bible open to James on my left, and my nature poetry notes on my right, my phone open in my lap, and my running shoes over in the corner, wagging their tail, begging to go out. I am supposed to be heading out to take that midterm, but instead, I am blogging.

And thinking about Sarah. I am glad I have really cool friends. The kind that would jump in front of mucky-snow splashes for you, keeping you dry.

And since I am about to take my poetry of the natural world from Romantic era to present midterm. Here is a poem by Robert Frost.

Dust of Snow

The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of the day I had rued.

Bye-bye Winter! Welcome Welcome SPRRIINNNGGGG!

Campus

Once on Campus

1. I was walking toward the HBLL and cut only just slightly on the grass. One step, one foot, on an already dead grass piece. Thought nothing of it. Walking toward the west doors, I notice an old man, with a cane, slowly hobbling toward me, his eyes locked on me. I slowly walked up to him smiling. Such a cute old me. "Don't walk on the g-grass!" He snapped. seriously so cute. "Okay, thanks," was all I could choke up while trying not to laugh. Fellow campus walkers, respect this old man's grass!


2. You know those stairs that plummet down toward the SFH and RB? An everyday journey for me. Once, a poised, nicely dressed man stood at the top with a stern face. "Enjoy your descent." He said evenly. I cocked my head, "Why thank you." I probably mimicked his tone and started down.

These two things, they are only the least of it.

Even my cousin thinks this is weird.

If it wasn't for Stacy

Right now Stacy is mushing dogs around my apartment. I am looking over at the girl who has eyes like Egypt and nylons the color of smoke. The pseudo-oreo cookies my roommate brought home are dancing around the kitchen. The air outside is breaking. My picnic basket is trying to talk about last summer, but I put my hand over its mouth. The painting on my easel tells me its waiting. And the dryer is monching on my clothes or it's laughing. And the keys on this key board say oh please, stop your pushing, it's time for bed, so go to sleeeppp!

Acetone or Non-acetone?

I have always been a firm believer of acetone nail polish remover. Especially because it works probably 76 times better than non-acetone and is exactly, to the T with the i's dotted, the same price. Why would anyone walking on the world ever buy non-acetone?

1. Because they have little kids and they don't want the acetone to ruin their carpet. My mom pointed this out to me. Okay, fine - but what is more important, carpet or humans? haha, just kidding Mom. A little bit of luxury isn't worth ruining your carpet.

2. Because it ruins your nails!? What? Yes, Exactly four weeks from this coming Monday someone told me that this lethal substance, acetone nail polish, ruins your nails. And it is true because the internet said the same thing. I'm not shy; I am a frequent nail polish removerer. My nails seem fine, but, well, what if??

So today, or probably tomorrow - definitely not until Saturday, I am buying myself a pretty bottle of non-acetone.

Speaking of nail polish, once my perfect lil' sis got mad at me and decided to punish me by pouring nail polish remover on my bed, in a little polish-remover lake right below my pillow (piilllooowww). Okay, so she was five, but my parents took away all her nail polish for multiple-who-knows-how-many years. Now she paints my toe nails whenever I go home to continue paying off her dept, or maybe she does it just because she loves me...

Because I don't actually have time to blog

Things I need to accomplish in the next two hours:

1. go to the store
2. not fall asleep
3. make some dinner
4. do some reading assignments
5. make a list of my goals for France
6. tidy up the apartment
7. read my scriptures
8. do my laundry
9. water my plant
10. text a picture to my sister

Things I have already accomplished today:

1. Finishing my AQ paper
2. Going to all four of my 75 min classes
3. Visiting 4 girls in my ward
4. Blogging
5. Returning some borrowed books
6. Enjoying the weather
7. Throwing out some rotten potatoes
8. Getting the mail
9. Doing some poetry reading
10. Did I mention finishing my AQ paper?

Memoir

Once when I was a little chickling, I was sitting in a patch of clovers (not) watching my brother play soccer. I had recently seen seen an episode of Reading Rainbow : ) where they had searched through a 5' by 5' square of clovers to find a lucky four leaf gem. So I decided to try my luck. I searched through each regular three-leaf flower, carefully separating them out, looking at each one individually. And guess what, I am not kidding, I found one. So you know what I did with it? I put it in my pocket to show my mom when I got home. A four-leaf clover in my pocket. When I got home to show my mommy, my four-leaf clover, dead and crumpled, was not much of a treasure. So...I threw it away. yes. I am crazy. I once found a four-leaf clover and I threw it away. cray-cray-ka-cray. You are just going to have to believe me.

Here is a completely random picture of me with an owl. #readharrypotter4lyfe

Mini Salami

I know this is weird. I know you might judge me. Just listen to my story.

My roommate got married last summer. And before she got married, her fiance and her would carry around a huge, obnoxious beanie ball. A beanie ball is a beanie baby that is puffed up in a huge stuffed ball. They would bring it everywhere with them, even their engagement pictures, out to dinner, wherever, and pretend it was their child. Weird. I know.

They named it Salami  Here is a picture. He is about the size of a large beach ball. Then one day, she bought me a mini version of Salami. Same picture, only small enough  in fit in the palm of my hand. So I started sleeping with it. I, who has never slept with a stuffed animal in my life, started sleeping with Mini Salami. K but listen, he just fits so perfectly in the palm of my hand or in between my chest and arms, or lotz of other places too. To make a long, not so long, story short, I love sleeping with Mini Salami. Still do it. Every night actually. I will hold him in my arms all night long. I move positions, throw the covers off the bed, but in the morning, I will still be all cuddled up with Salami. Okay, I know this is weird. I'm weird. I still love Salami.

My old roommate who got married has no idea that I do this. Although I am sure she would get a kick out of it.

My current roommates semi-love it and want mini beanie ballz of their own.

My study abroad directors (yes I told my study abroad class when they asked for a strange slash embarrassing story about myself) think I should bring it to Paris, to help with culture shock. I wasn't going to bring it, but they convinced me. I bought Salami's ticket today.

A few random other people that I have confessed this to, think I am weird. Valid. I am.

I'm just going to revel in my weirdness.

Here is an awk pic of me in my pajamies with Salami.

Title

Climbing up a rock slide

Swinging from trapeze ropes

Treading water

Running against the wind

Drowning in a mountain of papers and books

However you say it, I am slipping behind. so. much. school. work.

What Thinks Christ of Me

I love this talk, What Thinks Christ of Me, so you should all check it out no matter what your religion. It answers a simple question: Mormons are Christians.
 But I also think it is a question all Christians need to ask themselves, or even all people.
           Does my life reflect what I believe?
Here is a video version of the same talk: Click here! Personally, I always enjoy hearing an apostles voice more than just reading it.

The Church is true! It brings so much happiness, but don't take my word for it...find our yourself!

Obssessed

Let me tell ya, it feel great to be doing something, everything that you love. Last night I was getting way into the lesson plan and frankly getting way lost in it, so I am going to talk to my professor today and I can't wait to hear what he thinks. Then I dropped my books and went on a night run with a friend. Ate blueberry muffins. That speaks for itself. Did some sloppy handstands with my roommate. Studied under my electric blanket until I feel asleep. Woke up before my alarm. Went on a run with some old teammates. Granola for breakfast. Headphones with classical music means paper writing time. Never been so engrossed in a paper before. Exceeding the page limit requirements. It is probably going to be almost 60 degrees today. Life's not perfect, but it is pretty good.

Of course, life isn't always swimming in a lagoon. When I was on the cross country team, my motto was "Hard days hard, easy days easy," and it could be shortened to "Hard-hard; easy-easy." When I was in the middle of a really hard workout I would say that over and over again in my head to remind myself that it was time to work hard. "Hard-hard, easy-easy, hard-hard, hard-hard." It even flowed with the rhythm fast breathing.Then on easy days I would have to remind myself to take my recovery miles slow - easy days easy. Now that I am thinking about it, life is like that too. (What a surprise; running is seriously always just like life.) Some days are hard, some days are easy. Maybe the trick is just loving the hard and loving the easy. It will still be both hard and easy, but one thing is for sure, life will be loved. Sometimes, Life needs some lovin'.

English Teachers are Weird

During our practicum class we were trying to convince our professor that everyone needs grammar because everyone needs to communicate no matter what they choose to do with your life. He was playing devil's advocate  and so our discussion got pretty charged. We were so sure that students needed to learn communication skills in order to be successful that we even ventured to say that a homeless beggar on the streets uses grammar, the conventions of the genre in which he is communicating - the cardboard sign, etc. After class, here is a real life texting conversation between me and my classmate Tani.

Tani: I was telling Melissa about our discussion about beggars and she said mimes don't need language! Haha I think we should bring that up next week. :)

Me: of course mimes need language!

Tani: When's the last time you heard or even saw a mime use language? I mean I guess they have to communicate ideas, but they do it completely through...miming. I can't believe we're even discussing this. People must think English teachers are so weird. :)

Me: well what about sign language? mimes are not that different. language really is just communication...and mimes communicate, and they even communicate through a shared code, or language, of mimes.

Me: also, yes we are so weird

Tani: Okay true I see your point. But the real question is, do they need grammar?

Me: hmmmm good question...if grammar is simply the conventions of a language then yes...just like a beggar needs grammar. mimes need to know the limits and channels in which their communication can flow...but then again that might just be intuitive bc it hits on human nature and experience. k we really are so weird

Tani: Seriously. But I'm probably going to be thinking about this all afternoon now...

Me: i actually love it...which makes me even weirder

Tani: I guess that's why we are going to be English teachers, huh?

Me: yep! #bestjobslashhardestjobever

Tani: :)

What do you think? 

           Do mimes need grammar???

Spencer from French

A few years ago in my French 201 class I met this kid named Spencer. He was funny and nice and a little bit different from what I would have expected. In French, every other second we pair up to talk aka practice our French, and he was always my partner because somehow we always sat next to each other. I liked him, thought he was pretty cool, and was pretty good at French too.

Then he stopped coming to class for a week, which is a big deal because in this four credit class, we were there every day. I got kinda a bit worried about him, but I didn't have his number to shoot him an are-you-okay-or-what's-up text. When he came back, I asked him where he had been (I asked him in French of course ;). He told me had gotten very sick and had been in the hospital all last week. Glad he was better, we got back to talking in French. Until he stopped coming again.

Was he okay? At the hospital again? Why didn't I ever get his number? It would have been perfectly reasonable to think that maybe he withdrew from the class. I mean, he had missed over a week, and French 201 is no springtime picnic. I hoped that had been the case, but I couldn't help but worry that something worse had happened. I hoped he was okay, but also realized that if he had passed away, I would not have even known. I would keep on living my life the same if he had dropped the class or if he had died. The thought bothered me, and I worried.

That was about two years ago. #tbt2011

The other day I was walking on campus, just thinking about nothing, maybe humming, and I saw Spencer. He was just walking out of a building, like he probably did every day, with his backpack over his shoulder and a beanie on his head like he always did way back in French class. I smiled so big at him, you probably wouldn't have been able to get the sunshine off my face. Of course, he didn't really remember me, so he gave me kind of a funny look, like "why are you so happy? I mean it is cool that you are happy, but you just look really happy and you are staring right at me." I was really happy. Just that feeling you get when you realize that someone you thought might have possibly been dead is alive, well, and breathing.

This slice of life had a cherry on top.

Blanket Electric

Last night I fell asleep on the floor with my electric blanket wrapped around me. Let me tell you, if you live in the snowy mountains and you don't have an electric blanket, it is time to invest. Electric blankets are the bomb.com. Hate how cold it is when you get out of the shower? Suffering from wet-sports-bra syndrome after a run? Not want to get out of bed in the morning? Electric blankets are better than all space heaters combined. The truth of the truth is that my Vegas native mother bought me the blanket when I first moved to Utah, and I didn't use it for three years. That's right boys and girls, three years. I finally opened it when it got below zero, yes, beellooow zzeerroo for multiple weeks, not days, weeks, in a row. Honestly that electric blanket saved my life, and my roommates' too because they probs would have died from how much I would have complained about how cold I was. Now I use it basically every day and try to force every and all visitors to try it out too. Believe me, it's a dream. Warning, if you come over to my place, we might force feed you oreos, wrap you in the blanket E, convince you to play Dixit, and probably send you home with dinner.

Stanley Kunitz

In my poetry of the natural world class we were studying the nature poetry of Stanley Kunitz, and this quote stuck out to me: "to be human is to know yourself to be living and dying at the same time." I am not sure what I think about this quote, but it definitely made me think. One of my American literature professors would always say that each breath that we breathe out is an exhale closer to death, but breathing is also one of the most fundamental things associated with life.

A good friend of mine is a deep thinker and has quite a reflective blog. When he graduated from college, we wrote about his lament of all the things, mostly the people, he left behind. He said that we wishes that he had begun these relationships knowing there was an end to them.

Is there an end to our relationships?

I have a particularly hard time with losing people, but I don't think that I want to start every relationship knowing it will end. Cherish the moments together, yes, but always be anticipating when things will end? Are we always dying? Are relationships going to end? Honestly, I am not sure. So I might as well always live and love as if living and loving are never going to end, and even if they do, I don't think I would change my mind.

When Hamlet said, "To be or not to be?" I like to think this is what he was talking about.

Mountains to Climb

I came across this blog post about Utah and the snow piles. And it made me think about this church talk about overcoming challenges. And then it made me remember my high school cross country teammate Lauren Lucas.

Once, near the end of summer in Vegas, yes scorching hot Vegas, we were doing hill repeats, just for fun, because we are overachievers, and because we told ourselves we were going to take state that year. And after a few repeats, when we were at the top, one of us looked over at the foothills of Black Mountain. Maybe because anything would have been better than running up that hill again or maybe just because a mountain seemed easier...

"Look at that mountain; let's run it," someone said. So we did. Let me tell you right now: Running up mountains is one of the most rewarding physical experiences. It literally feels like you are pulling yourself, and each other, up to greater heights. So we sat there, looking over the Las Vegas valley, looking at all the next mountains we were going to run up. We told ourselves we could run up anything, and I still believe that sometimes.